Restoring our Broken Souls
by 0Arya0
Summary: CaptainSwan AU - Killian Jones and Emma Swan are two very different people: she's a young bounty hunter - and a mother, and he's a barman and former ship Captain. But they have something in common: a troubled past. They've both been through a lot, and this is what will put them on the same path, when Killian will accept to join a support group.
1. The Meeting

_**The Meeting**_

 **KILLIAN POV**

I had no idea of why accepted Liam's suggestion, but it was too late to back out; I was close to the address he gave me, I just had to cross the street to reach n°8 of Wild Street.  
I couldn't believe that a support group was in an old closed bar in the heart of the City . It would have probably been full of pathetic drunk people talking about stupid problems to each other; I didn't need that, I was sure it would have been a useless waste of time.  
Precious time, moreover: I only had one free night a week and I was wasting it instead of enjoying a friends thing with rum and nice ladies.  
I only decided to go in because I had promised my brother I would have tried, and I owed him: after all, I could stay half an hour and leave, then tell him it wasn't for me. And talking about my business with some strangers, _really_ wasn't.  
Once inside, I looked around; in the middle of the room there was a group of around 15 people of all ages sitting in a circle, and on the ex counter plates, glasses and some food and soft drinks.  
I snorted, a glass of beer would have been great, but there only were Coke, orange soda and water: just great! I probably would have gone mad.  
Unfortunately no one was eating and I didn't wanna be the "starved", so I just joined the group and sat down on a free chair, pulling it a little back; I did feel kinda uncomfortable being part of that circle.  
I crossed my arms and tried to analyze everyone; there were a couple of really young boys chatting, a woman with a scarf, a red-head girl looking at her phone. I noticed that there was one thing they all had in common: they were all smiling, like they were feeling really comfortable. I found it odd, I could have never felt like that with so many strangers, especially in this situation.  
I stopped studying people when someone caught my attention: a young blonde girl had just arrived, and I watched her picking a peace of cake, than without saying anything she occupied the chair right next to mine, and pulled it back exactly like I had done.  
She looked pretty nice, with her golden curls, the green eyes and the white skin, covered by a pair of jeans and a red leather jacket.  
-Hi love. Here for the free food?- I tried to approach.  
She looked up, then just glared at me and without even answering she got back to her cake.  
-Don't need to be so rude, I'm not gonna eat you, you know?  
The blonde kept ignoring me, and before I could say anything else, an alarm clock warned everyone it was 9 o'clock.  
-Hi!- said the man in front of me -Glad to see there's everyone today...- added looking at the girl next to me, and she smiled slightly.  
-And there's also a new face...- continued, moving his glancing on me -Glad to have you here...?  
-Killian. Killian Jones. Nice to meet you.- I said, a little embarrassed.  
All the others greeted me telling their names that I had already forgotten, except for the blondie that didn't even look at me: what'd I ever do to her? She was in a mood about my innocent joke?  
-So, what brings you here, Killian?- asked the woman with the scarf, Mary probably... or Susan – I didn't remember already.  
-I... well, just came to please my brother, actually. Can I just listen to you?  
-Of course you can, no one's forced to talk here, don't worry.- she said with a smile; but I noticed it was a strange smile, not a happy one...  
-Mary, how's it going with you husband?- asked the girl next to me, and I heard her voice for the first time: it was a really nice voice, just like her... kind of melodious.  
-Yeah, well...- she sighed, looking down and taking off her scarf; she had three enormous violet bruises on her neck, and quite a bad scratch.  
I automatically clenched my fists: I had always hated men laying hands on women, since I was a child. I could still remember my mother's tears and bruises, and how powerless I felt about it.  
-I tried to talk to him, quietly... but he just wouldn't listen, he got mad when I said I wanted divorce... he threatened me saying he would take away our children...- she sniffed -So I said I was sorry... and he accepted my apologies but, you know... he punished me.  
I was angry with that man, and I didn't even know Mary; I really couldn't understand why these woman didn't want to report their husbands, I never understood it with my mom too– that was why I was kinda creepily happy when my father died.  
When the police came home to tell us he had been involved in an accident and couldn't make it, I couldn't contain my joy, and neither did Liam: my mom was the only one who cried.  
-Are you thinking about... reporting him, maybe?- asked the old man, looking at her gently.  
-I don't know. We were happy, once. And he loves our children, they love him... I don't wanna ruin their lives, they're so young...  
I glanced at the blonde, she was clenching her fist too, but didn't say anything: I could read anger in her eyes anyway, the same anger I was used to feel.  
-I understand, but... you deserve happiness too. They will understand, you know... children are smarter than we think...  
-I know. I'll really consider it. I just feel better talking to you guys, so thanks...  
Maybe I was wrong about those people: maybe they weren't just a bunch of drunks, but people with real problems, people who couldn't even live their lives happily because of fear, and maybe odd feelings.  
I didn't know what it was, but something made me decide to stay, stay and listen to these people' stories.  
I didn't even notice the time going by, I was so absorbed in all the lives, all the problems, the fears; just once in a while I took a look at the nameless girl, the only one who wasn't talking besides me.  
I didn't know why, but I was genuinely curious about her, maybe because I knew well the look on her face: it was my look. The look of a person who apparently felt well, but nightmares were just round the corner. Most of the time I really was OK, my missing hand wasn't a problem anymore as I was perfectly able to use the implant. My problems were the ghosts of my mom and Milah, that sometimes wouldn't leave me alone: some nights, I lived and relived again their death, their death in my arms. I was only 16 when my mom died because of the Twin Tower's attack, I could still see her eyes in the hospital, her eyes praying me to let her go, promising she would always watch over me.  
I swallowed and blinked, trying to prevent my tears from getting out; so I focused on the two teenagers, talking about their boss that was keeping touching them and they couldn't report it because they really needed their job. That kind of man was another one I couldn't stand: I was flirty, I loved seducing women, but I would have _never_ touched a girl who didn't want to be touched: I was of the opinion that women shouldn't be hit, even with a flower.  
Then, I listened at the old man whom retirement fund wasn't enough to bear the cost of his wife's treatment; from what I understood they were all alone because they had escaped together when they were young, and they didn't even have children to take care of them.  
And then the 18-year-old boy who had to raise his little sister because they had lost their parents, the woman who couldn't see her children, the man who had just survived the Paris attack and couldn't sleep without tranqs, and had to quit his job because he wasn't able to concentrate.  
These and all the other stories were just awful, and I felt kinda stupid; I had been through a lot, of course, but my life right now wasn't that bad. I was moving on, and I needed just some alcohol to feel asleep when I couldn't, I didn't use meds.  
-Well, it's late but... anyone else?- asked Mary, looking around and dwelling a little bit on me, the blonde girl and Lucy, the red-head. No one said anything, so they just got up and reached the bar, chatting.  
I took a look at my phone and I didn't wanna believe it: it was 10.58 p.m. already: how could time tick away so quickly?  
I greeted with everyone, except the blonde who was already gone, and I got out: I would have stayed probably, but I preferred something strong instead of some Coke.  
As I stepped outside the cold bit me, and I regretted I didn't wear a warmer coat: in that exact moment I saw the "red leathered" girl. She was a few steps away from me, and she was putting her phone in her pocket: she had probably just ended a conversation.  
-Hey. You're not much of a talker...  
The girl bounced and turned, scrutinizing me a couple of times;  
-You neither.  
-I know. As I said, I'm here only to please my brother. What about you?  
-Sometimes I just like listening to people who don't judge...- she hunched her shoulders -Sorry but I gotta go now. See you.  
Before she could turn around I grabbed her arm: I felt her tensing up immediately, so I released her a little confused.  
-Sorry love, didn't wanna frighten you. I just wanted to offer you a drink.- I explained, while she was calming down.  
-You didn't scare me, just – please, I have to go...- she begged me, with an odd look: I could see something in her eyes that I couldn't really explain. Fear? Concern?  
-Fine...- I decided not to complain, because judging on her face, probably something had happened and she really needed to go; -Could I know your name, at least? And your number, if you want.  
-Emma. But as for my number – well, forget it.  
-Why?- I provoked her with an amused smile. I wasn't used to be refused, I really wanted to know what her problem with me was: she could at least give me a chance.  
-I know guys like you. You're probably interested in a couple of drinks, a make out session, hook up for one night... and then get back to your life like nothing happened. Am I wrong?- she asked, crossing her arms and keeping looking at me.  
-You got me, I do that sometimes. But don't tell me you don't like having fun, c'mon... with that pretty face I'm sure men fawn at your feet.  
-Well, you're wrong. And I _do_ like having fun, just not like that. So, will you let me go, now?  
-Of course, love. I won't force you having a drink with me, even if I'm sure you'd love it...  
-If I were you I wouldn't be that sure. Now I _really_ have to go. Bye.- she said, looking at me unsure: what the hell was her problem? I stank? Or what?  
-Bye... Emma. See you next week.- I gave up, and smiled at her.  
-So you _will_ come back? Didn't you come just to please your brother?  
-Maybe I have a reason to come back, now.- I said allusive. She _really_ was a beautiful young lady, even more than I had noticed at first.  
-Mh. See you... maybe.- she said, and turned around for the last time before disappearing in the subway.  
Maybe I should have thanked my brother, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have met Emma: get a chance to share a drink with that girl was my personal goal, now. I didn't wanna seduce her, just getting to know her, have a chat – she had a kind of charm that was really attractive somehow. She surely was an interesting woman.

 **EMMA POV**

-I'm home!- I shouted out as soon as I walked in; I was almost sure Mary Margaret was home, since I knew David was working that night.  
-Hi! How did it go?- she asked from the sofa, as I had imagined: she paused the movie she was watching on Netlix and motioned me to join her.  
-All right, I guess- I answered yawning and sitting next to her: she had popcorn, great!  
-You spoke to them?  
-I didn't, and I'm not going to, you know that.- I replied, grabbing some popcorn; they were salt and buttery as I liked them.  
-But why, Emma! Why do you even go there, then?  
-I'm going just once or twice a month. And I'm not going to take up that discussion. Henry's sleeping, isn't he?  
-Yeah, like and angel...- she sighed resigned. We had talked a lot and I had already explained her why I didn't need to tell my story to the people of the group, but she didn't wanna understand, she didn't believed that I felt good. But I really did, my depression was over when I gave birth to my son: he was almost 2 years old, and he was the prettiest and cutest kid of the world: he really filled my life with love, and now I couldn't imagine my life without him: I didn't care about not having a man on my side, a father for my child. We were great exactly how we were.  
-Good... I'm going to give him a kiss, wear my pajamas and I'll be right back.  
I got up and reached my room: Henry was really sleeping like an angel in his cradle, with his half-opened cute little mouth; I kissed him gently to not wake him up and undressed to wear my comfortable and warm pajamas.  
I took another look to my little boy and got back to the living room: I hugged my friend when I saw the cups of cocoa on the table!  
-I knew you'd appreciate it! It's pretty cold today, why don't you wear something warmer when you go out?  
-No, I'm fine. Thanks for the cocoa, I love you!  
-I know! So tomorrow night out? David asked if he can invite Neal... would it be OK for you?  
-Yeah, sure... Neal's a nice guy.  
-And he likes you.  
-Bullshit. He's a friend, and I don't need boyfriends so...  
-He's cute, kind... why don't you wanna try? He knows you and he wouldn't force you to do anything you don't wanna do... you can't be alone forever...- she said apprehensively, and I rolled my eyes.  
-I can. And I'm not alone, I've got Henry, he's the only one man I need. But speaking of...- I started, then drank a sip of cocoa -There was a new guy today. He wanted to offer me a drink.  
-Whoaah! How's he like?  
-Calm down. He's... annoying. Looks like a jerk: you know, super-confident, flirty... I...  
-Hey...- she interrupted me, worried -Are you alright? Did he bother you?  
-I'm fine... and no, of course not. He 's just so annoying!. But I know how to handle men like him- I assured her, and it was true. With my job I had met plenty of man like Killian Jones – why the hell I did remember his name?! – and I was perfectly capable to handle the situation.  
-Let's get back to Netflix, okay?  
The girl nodded, and pressed play: she was watching "Back To The Future 2" and I had only lost the first 5 minutes so it was great! I didn't need to concern about that man, he wouldn't have even showed up the next time, probably; I was sure he didn't need me, as he could have all the women he wanted being that good looking. He was the kind of man I was used to avoid, he reminded me Ryan: man like him shouldn't be allowed to touch women: I was glad he didn't know about Henry, and never would have found out.  
I had just one doubt: why was Killian Jones there? Why does a man like him needed to attend a support group? I had watched him once in a while, and he seemed upset more than once; maybe there was really something in him, something I couldn't get.  
I didn't know why, but in that moment I decided I would have attended the support group next week: I was curious to find out if he was serious when he said he would come back for me, or if it was just a move to try seducing me.  
I would have gotten in trouble, I was sure about it. But still, I did wanna go.

* * *

 **Notes:**

Hi :) This is the first time I'm writing completely in English (I usually translate my fanfictions from Italian), so I don't know how the end result is gonna be... I just hope it'll be decent. My English is pretty good, but a story is quite a big deal, and I've never tried before... so surely there're gonna be some mistakes. I should read a book in English to understand which is the best verb tense for a story.  
Anyway, let me know if you like the idea... I'll probably publish a chapter once a week.  
And, of course, if there's someone who would like to revise my chapters before I post them, he's very welcome! :)

 _Arya_


	2. Who are you?

**Hi guys :) thank you for reading the first chapter... hope you'll like this one too :)  
I promise I'll improve my English... I just need to figure out which tenses are best for a story... if there are English native speakers, I accept suggestions! **

* * *

**KILLIAN POV**

-So? How was yesterday?  
-Leave me alone Liam!- I mumbled covering my face with the blanket -It must be the crack of dawn!  
-It's half past noon, sleepyhead!  
-Well I came home at 4 am so go away and let me sleep in peace! I'm working tonight!- I begged him, but with no result: instead of listening to me, he opened the curtains and pulled away my covers. In that moment, killing my brother seemed me like a good idea. After the support group I had met Will, Victor and Graham for a couple of beers downtown, now I needed to sleep!  
-You've slept enough, so get your ass in the kitchen, lunch's ready.  
-Fine. I'm coming. I really need to get my own place...- I complained but got up, as I new he wouldn't leave me alone.  
I washed my face with cold water in the hope it'd wake me up, and got dressed with my usual jeans and a black shirt.  
There was a good smell in the kitchen, and when I saw the two pizzas on the table my day immediately got better: Liam was right, I couldn't let my pizza cool down.  
-You still hate me, brother?  
-No- I had to admit, and bit my lunch even before sitting down. It was delicious: pepper, sausages and mozzarella... my favorite!  
-Good... so now you owe me one. Tell me 'bout yesterday, c'mon!- he persisted, and I sighed: he wouldn't leave me alone if I didn't tell anything, so I had no choice. Leaving with my brother sometimes was really exhausting, I was 30 after all! I wasn't a child.  
-Well, it wasn't that bad...- I said -I met a cute girl...  
-That's why you were late.  
-Unfortunately not. She wasn't in the mood probably, but I'm gonna try again... I'm sure she'll give up at the end.  
-I can't believe it! You went to a support group and the only thing you remember is a girl!  
-You know me- I smiled, rolling my eyes: I really couldn't get out of my had that lass, and I didn't know if it was because she rejected me or for something else. In any case, I wouldn't give up before getting that drink with her, at least.  
-You're hopeless...- Liam sighed, looking at me resigned -But you must be really upset for being rejected, aren't you?  
-She didn't reject me. She just needs... a push, everything's under control.- I assured him, then got back to my lunch. Emma would have been my date for New Year's Eve, she just didn't know it yet; time was in my favor, I had more than a month to win her over. Probably we wouldn't last long, but I didn't really care, she wasn't my first woman and wouldn't be the last: after the loss of Milah, I had lost interest in love, and I just wanted to enjoy my life day by day without serious involvements.  
-OK, so... you'll go back there.  
-Yeah, but don't look at me like that: I'll do it only for Emma, you know I don't like losing.  
He nodded without saying anything, so I decided to focus on my pizza and the can of beer. Maybe a little resistance from that young woman wasn't that bad: come to think of it, getting girls effortlessly was quite boring sometimes.  
Emma was a gamble, even if I didn't know anything about her.  
Her last name, her age, her job, and even if she was dating someone.  
I just new I wanted to meet her again.

* * *

 **EMMA POV**

I couldn't believe I was going to the support group's meeting again: it was the first time I did it two weeks in a row. And why? Just to find out if a man I didn't care about was going to keep his promise. Of course I didn't tell Mary Margaret, or she wouldn't leave me alone: she really wanted me to find a boyfriend and I couldn't understand why. I was doing great alone with her and Henry, so why on earth I should want to change? Of course I knew someday she'd move in with David, but I was a grown-up person and I could perfectly take care of myself and my kid.  
I climbed the stairs and looked around: Covent Garden was full of Christmas decorations and lights, it was really beautiful: Christmas season was my favorite period for a reason. Everything in London turned colorful and lightened up, and the climate seemed somehow full of joy and peace.  
Even with my arm in a sling I enjoyed the walk, and decided I'd hang out at the Market once I was done with the meeting: I could have found something interesting.  
I entered the old bar with a smile still on my face, and I didn't even notice that Killian Jones was right behind me.  
-Hi Emma!  
-Holy crap!- I cursed jumping, scared off -You scared the hell out of me! Are you insane?!  
-Sorry love- he said with a smug smile, then dwelt on my brace -You alright? Sorry, I didn't realize...  
-I'm fine. Well, except that I nearly had an heart attack.- I withered him with a look.  
-Sorry- he apologized raising his hands in surrender -But your arm...?  
-It's just a dislocated shoulder, I'll be fine by tomorrow.  
When I turned, I couldn't help but pass up a little smile: he really kept his promise. But why did I care? After all he was just a presumptuous annoying man.  
Of course, I couldn't luck out; he sat right beside me, even if there were a lot of free chairs; I immediately noticed that Susan, Mary and Luke weren't there sadly. They were nice guys, I really hoped they'd join me for the walk at the Market.  
-Emma, hi! What happened to you?- asked Lucy, the 18-year-old girl that was usually there with her friend.  
-Hi! It's nothing, really...- I assured her, wondering why Kate wasn't there: probably it was nothing, but it was just odd to see them separated.  
-How did you get that?- asked Killian raising his eyebrow.  
-Let's just say that... my job's not stuff for kids.  
-And your job is?  
-None of your business.- I smiled victorious: provoking him was actually quite pleasant. A man like him really needed a lesson: I was sure he was used to get his own way, but he had to understand that with me, it was different. He couldn't seduce me with his pretty face and his deep set blue eyes and the charming smile.  
He looked at me up and down amused, but decided to let it go, at least for the moment. Probably 'cause it was time to start, but I still decided to consider it a little victory.  
As we were just seven, the conversation was more flippant this time, and I thought it was positive: it meant that they all felt better, and as I thought Kate wasn't there just because she had a flu.  
I just regretted that I didn't find out why Jones was there, and he didn't seem willing to say it; unfortunately I couldn't even try to ask him, or he would turn it around against me. Despite what I told Mary Margaret, I didn't know why I didn't wanna tell these people my story: I trusted them, they were kind of a family to me, but I just didn't feel like it. Ultimately I was doing great, and I didn't want to open up old wounds.  
We talked about Thanksgiving, at the end: it was in five days and being lots of us half-American, we decided to celebrate together a kind of pre-Thanksgiving on Friday, bringing someone with us if we wanted to. I needed to check with Mary Margaret, Neal and David, but I was almost sure it would probably be OK. They were always supported with me, and they were also the reason I joined the support group.  
-You with us, Killian?- asked Lucy.  
-He probably considers it lame- I answered for him -Am I wrong?  
-Actually you are, love. I should be working on Friday night, but... will you let me buy you that drink tonight?  
-No.  
-I'm in, then! Just... will there be something to drink? Alcohol, I mean... I don't know how old you are...- he added uncertain, but I got what his game was.  
-Nice try, Jones. But I'm not going to tell you my age.  
He seemed stroke, and that made me very chuffed: sooner or later he would understand that his tricks didn't work on me.  
-I'll find out who you are someday, Emma...  
-Swan. Emma Swan. But I won't tell you anything else, deal with it.  
-Aww guys, you're so cute!- interfered the young girl.  
-Yeah- Sean, the old man, agreed -I bet you'll end up together eventually!  
-Sean!- I shouted out scandalized -You can't really mean this. For the record, I'll never end up with _this one_. I know men like him, and I really don't like them. I don't even know why he's here, apart from looking for desperate girls to seduce. Well, Jones, we're not here because we don't have a thing to do. We're _real_ people with _real_ problems, so if you're coming to hit on me, just drop it. I'm not interested. And now, I'm sorry but I gotta go. See you on Friday guys!  
As I walked out, I cursed myself for coming: I knew that doing it for that man would've been a big mistake, so why be so stupid? What was I expecting? He was exactly as I pictured him the first time: a sleazy, slimy and superficial man.  
I needed to calm down and relax, so I walked into the Market even if I was alone; I could have bought some candy for Henry and for myself too, so I headed over to the food stands: I probably wouldn't be elected mother of the year as I fed my 20-month-old boy with junk food, but at least he loved me.  
I filled a bag with some chocolate and pralines, and another one with marshmallow, then I pulled out my wallet: of course something had to go wrong, and it fell to the ground. I cursed annoyed, that brace was such a pain in the ass!  
Before I could lean over to pick up the object, someone grabbed it and handed it to me.  
-Thank y... you! What are _you_ doing here? What do you want from me? You wanna screw?! Fine, let's do it and then you can leave me alone!  
-Calm down, Swan. A simple "thank you" will do- he smiled, and gave me the wallet which I grabbed roughly.  
-Thank you. Now get out of my way, _please._ \- I said, and ignoring him I paid the guy for my candy. That really wasn't my lucky day: first I got hurt chasing a man, then another one had to stalk me. I just wanted to be carried away by the Christmas spirit, I really needed it.  
-You need a hand?- he asked, when I clumsily grabbed the transparent bag with my injured hand, since with the other one I was holding mine.  
-No. I only need you to piss off! But I already told you that, are you deaf?!  
-Emma, what the hell did I ever do to you?! You act like you know me, but you don't! You can't judge me without getting to know me... I'm not the man you described.  
-And I'm not interested! I don't wanna get to know you, OK? Maybe you're not the man I thought you were, but you're not a person I could like anyway. You're annoying, harassing, _too_ self-confident! So just change your target, I'm sure London is full of women who will like you. But I won't. And if _you_ knew me, you'd understand that and you'd leave me alone.  
-I'm... sorry, if I did something that bothered you...- he said, with a confused look.  
I nodded and just left, without saying anything else: the truth was that it wasn't entirely his fault if I didn't like him, but his stubbornness was too irritating for my taste. Now that I felt better, I didn't need someone like him in my life, to remind me people I wanted to leave behind.  
And plus, I was right about one thing: he had joined the support group just as a hobby, he couldn't understand me or the other people there. I was complicated, maybe too complicated to be loved or even liked, so, after all,I was doing him a favor.  
I was almost sure that this time he would've let it go and he wouldn't come at the next meeting, restoring the usual relaxing and peaceful mood I was used to.

* * *

" _Hey. How you doing?"  
_ I smiled reading Neal's text. It was late, and after some cartoons and marshmallows, Henry was peacefully sleeping in his cradle.

 _"I'm good. Just ate some candy with Henry :P don't judge me! U?"_

 _"Always the same greedy! I'm fine, but Mary_  
 _said you were upset when you came home"_

 _"Long story. Just an annoying guy,_  
 _but I'm alright. You're working?"_

 _"Nope, just came home. How's your shoulder?"_

 _"I guess it's ok. I removed the brace and I_  
 _feel so much better! It was a real torture!"_

 _"Your job's too dangerous, I've always said that."_

 _"Shh! Hey, I was wondering... we're celebrating_  
 _a kind of pre-Thanksgiving on Friday_  
 _night. With the guys of the group._  
 _We can bring people... wanna come?"_

 _"God, I'd love to... but I have_  
 _to work on Friday, I'm so sorry :("_

 _"Oh right... don't worry. In that case once_  
 _we're done I'm coming at the pub for a drink, huh?"_

 _"Sounds great! :) It'll be on me then!"_

 _"Thank u! I promise I won't get drunk! :P"_

 _"Fine, 'cause when you're drunk you_  
 _laugh A LOT. You'd scare my clients!"_

 _"Ha-ha. Very funny. Well, I'll try to sleep now... 'night! :*"_

 _"Goodnight sweetheart! :* see you on Friday! :)"_

I smiled one last time, then turned off my mobile. Neal was one of my best friends for a very good reason; he always knew how to make me smile, even with a simple gesture. Plus, he knew me.  
That was exactly one of the things I most loved of him: he was always understanding, so he never pushed on me. He knew how I felt about mostly everything, so our night out were always great! And Henry liked him too, we never felt uncomfortable going out all together; Mary said we looked like a family, and we probably did, but I didn't care. I didn't want a boyfriend and he perfectly knew that, so we were great.  
Killian Jones was the opposite, and that was the reason why I knew we couldn't be friends, besides it was clear he wanted more than a friendship. I couldn't figure what I would have done if he answered "Yes" when I asked him if he wanted to have sex so that he could leave me alone.  
I decided to sleep, not knowing that nightmares were waiting for me, that night.


	3. Ghosts of the past (part 1)

**Disclaimer:** This story is rated M for mentions of _violence_ , _abuse_ and _rape_ and _sexual content_ in later chapters. You've been warned.

* * *

 _ **Ghosts of the past (part 1)**_

 **EMMA POV**

-So... how do I look?- I asked Mary Margaret nervously; I didn't wear dresses very often, so it was hard to find one that didn't make me look like a 16-year-old girl. It was a beige dress Ingrid gave me for my 18th birthday, but it was the first time I was wearing it, even if with a black leggings.  
-You're beautiful!- she shouted out excited, looking at me up and down repeatedly; I couldn't help but blushing, it wasn't that big deal ultimately. I just didn't want to look like a bum at the first Thanksgiving's party after Henry's birth that was not with my family.  
-Thanks...- I just said, smiling slightly.  
-It's a shame that Neal's not coming... he'd like you!  
-Actually I'll meet him after the party... You know, just to say hello. I'll have a drink at the pub.- I explained, and as I imagined she opened in a big smile again. Why the heck she didn't want to understand that Neal and I were just friends? Good friends.  
-Don't look a t me like that, OK? He'll be working and I'll have a drink all alone at the bar...  
-But he'll be there, you won't be alone. You'll be with him.  
-As I said, he'll be bloody working, so stop it!- I exclaimed frustrated. She was getting worse lately, she was kinda more harassing and I really hated it. That was the reason I didn't tell her anything about Jones, I hadn't mentioned him since the first time at the meeting, and I really hoped he wouldn't show up today. Our last discussion had been quite bad, he probably hated me for how I had treated him, but it probably was for the best. I didn't need him, and he didn't need me too.  
-Fine- she said -put on your shoes and let's go. David just texted me, he's downstairs with his car.  
-OK... let me kiss Henry, I feel really bad for leaving him alone again...  
-C'mon, he's not alone! He loves Ashley, you know that. And you're young Emma, you can't just work and stay at home...  
-I'm a mother.- I reminded her, but she just ignored me and left my room.  
I left after her joining my son's room: he was playing with Ashley, the baby sitter, and they seemed to be having much fun. I knew Mary was right, I didn't go out often, especially in the evenings, but I still felt bad: I was going to a party, leaving my little kid with another woman.  
-Hey Emma, you look great!- she complimented me, and picked up Henry to let me kiss and hug him.  
-Byye, mommy!  
-Thanks Ashley- I smiled -Bye sweetheart, I promise I won't be late! Just a couple of hours and I'll be back!- I promised him.  
-Don't worry, just have fun. I'll stay with him all the time it takes, I don't mind!  
-Thank you... you're an angel, really. But I don't think I'll be back later than 10 pm.  
-Alright, just don't rush, hm?  
-I'll try... Thank you. Again. Bye then, have fun you too!  
-We will! Bye, see you later!  
I nodded and kissed again my son, and after he kissed me back I went back to my room to put on my shoes: bloody Mary Margaret, she had left me her high-heeled booties! Even though she knew I hated heels. I put them on cursing, I didn't want to argue so I couldn't go to look for a more comfortable pair.  
At least they were rubber heels, so they weren't too uncomfortable... but I still preferred my ballet flats, or, even better, my converse.  
I put on my leather jacket, the black one this time, and got downstairs trying not to get killed, and joined my friends whose were waiting for me in front of David's car.  
-You look great! Oh my god, Emma Swan's wearing a dress... we should mark it on the calendar!- he shouted out playfully, and I hit him on the shoulder before hugging him.  
-Thank you, idiot. You look good too, you know?  
-Just good? You're hurting my feelings!  
I rolled my eyes and admitted he looked great, then we got into the car and left.  
We chatted a little – and of course he had to mention Neal too – and I admitted I had no idea how the party was gonna be. Susan, Mary and Alan had organized everything as I didn't have time due to work, but Susan was a wedding planner so I was sure she'd done a great job.  
As for me, my shoulder was completely healed now, and even if I had got rid of the brace after the first day, it had hurt a little for the two following days.  
-Oh, Emma! I didn't ask you... what about that guy you said was bothering you?- my friend asked suddenly, catching me off-guard. I had really hoped she didn't remember.  
-Uh... I don't think he's coming.- I just said, trying to look calm.  
-A guy bothered you?  
-It's alright David, he just... he was too irritatingly flirty. But I set the record straight and made him understand I wasn't interested.- I explained. I couldn't say anything about Tuesday 'cause they didn't know I was at the meeting again and Mary Margaret would've started to ask too many questions, and I wasn't in the mood.

* * *

We found some traffic, but in 15 minutes we were there, perfectly in time even if the party had started a little earlier. We could hear the music from outside, so we got in; the old pub was completely different, very colorful and full of delicious smells of all kind.  
-Wow. I'm hungry...- I said, looking around and smiling to people I recognized: the others were probably their companions. It was the first time the place was that crowded.  
-That's a big pre-Thanksgiving. You Americans know how to organize a party!- said Mary Margaret, and David agreed.  
-Yeah, well... my last American Thanksgiving was centuries ago... but it looked like this one. Just... you know, we weren't more than 20, usually.  
-Hi Emma!  
-Oh, hi Susan! You did great!  
-Thank you! I hope you'll like the food, we ordered everything in a Canadian restaurant... oh and your friend's here...  
-My f...- before I could finish my question I froze: Jones was there, filling his plate at a table. Why the hell he was keeping coming? I thought I was clear when I explained him that wasn't a place for someone like him.  
-Is that him?- asked Mary Margaret, inquiring -You didn't say he was _that_ good looking.  
-Whoa, should I be jealous?  
-Don't worry David- I assured him, glancing at his girlfriend -He's a pain in the ass, so... And I didn't tell you anything because he's just a man like another. Nothing special.- I lied.  
Of course I had noticed he was _very_ good looking, but it was the last thing I cared about: or maybe it was exactly his appearance to be the problem. That was what gave him all that self-confidence.  
-Just ignore him... if he bothers you, I'll kick him out.  
-There's no need David, I can take care of myself. _I'm_ kicking him out. Right now.- I said, and before they could reply I joined the man who was talking – or more probably flirting – with the two 18-year-old girls.  
-Hey.  
-Emma. Wow, you should wear dresses more often, you're amazing! You could discover those leg of yours, but still...  
-Cut it off, Jones, I don't need your compliments. Why are you here? Hi guys!  
-Hi!- Lucy and Kate cheered -We'll let you alone...  
-It'll take just a minute, then he's all yours- I assured them and filled a glass with some red wine: the man scrutinized me several times, then laid his hand on his hip and looked me in the eyes.  
-To what do I owe the honor, princess?  
-Princess? Really?- I raised my eyebrows and he smiled provocatively.  
-All women like to be called princess.  
-Well, all women except me. So why are you here? Didn't you hear me the last time?  
-I did. But as I said, you don't know me. Why don't we start it over?- he proposed, and offered me his hand, waiting.  
I looked at it, than at him, but his smile was too confident: he seemed too sure I would accept.  
-No. You should leave, this is not a place for someone like you.  
-Fine- he said, and pulling back his hand. Than he looked away and headed for the middle of the room, looking around. I came back confused to Mary Margaret and David, and before I could have a sip of wine, he asked for attention turning off the music.  
-Good evening everyone. I just wanted to thank the people who arranged all this, and welcomed me in this group. I know it's time for celebration, but it's still a support group, right?  
Some people nodded, and I stared at him crossing my arms. What the hell was he going to do? And why?  
-Well. Some of you, don't understand why I'm here, I know that. I know I look like someone with... you know, a perfect life and all of that. But I can assure you I'm not here to flirt or make fun of you. I respect you, and I know this is a support place.- he said, shocking me a little. I didn't expect he would have done something like that, in front of everyone.  
-Killian, you don't need to...  
-It's OK.- he cut off Susan, and gave a look at me; -I know, I said I'm here because my brother insisted, and that's true. But he wanted me to come for a reason... my life's not all peace and light. When I was 16, I was in New York with my family... I was at the hotel during the Twin Towers' attack, but my mother wasn't. She survived, at first, but she was bad injured and was taken to the hospital... I joined her just in time... in time to say goodbye and watch her die. Before my eyes. She was the only one parent I had, my dad died when I was a little boy but I didn't miss him... he beat her. He beat me, and he beat my brother. We were happy without him, we finally had a good life.  
I had a look with my friends, we were all shocked, but I more then them: I was the reason he was telling us all that, the reason he had to suffer reliving this sad memories.  
-My brother was older, and he got a job here in London... I decided to go with him. It wasn't easy, for both of us... but eventually we found our own peace, and when I turned 18, I joined the staff of a cargo ship. In five years I became Captain, and it was then that I met Milah... she wanted to join us; it was unusual for a woman, but I liked her determination and welcomed her. She learned fast everything about the job... and we fell in love. She was a strong woman, the strongest I've ever met... Two years later I proposed her and she said yes. After that journey, we were supposed to take a break and arrange our wedding... before we could do that, a storm ruined everything. It was a big storm, and Milah was stubborn... when I ordered her to go lower deck she didn't listen, and stayed with me. A moment later, she wasn't there anymore... I panicked, and without even thinking I dove into the ocean... but I got hurt and lost consciousness. I woke up hours later in the hospital... and... she was gone. And my hand too...- he said, and removed his leather glove showing a prosthesis.  
I realized I was crying only when a tear reached my mouth, and I could taste its salty flavor; I felt horrible, I had judged him so wrong! And for my fault, he felt forced to explain why he was there: that was awful, I was the worse person in the world. We were in a place when people could find comfort, not the other way round.  
I watched him putting back his glove, and Susan hugged him. Even if he was smiling I perfectly knew how he was feeling, and I couldn't believe I was the responsible of his state of mind.  
-Well, that's all- he said then -I just wanted to make clear that I'm not here to make fun of you. I've got my own ghosts too... So well, we could get back to the party, I'm sorry for this.  
-I'm sorry, I need alcohol- I said to my friends, and reached the table with alcoholics where I filled my glass with some whiskey: I really needed something strong to deal with the horrible person I had become. There were no excuses to justify what I'd done, I had pushed a man to talk about what bothered him when I was the first that never talked about it. I was just unforgivable.  
After emptying the glass I filled it again, and got out to get some fresh air and try to clear my mind: how could I be so wrong? I was usually good to understand people, but with him I was completely mistaken. I hadn't even notice he had a missing hand.  
-Hey, love. It's not good form to get drunk on Thanksgiving.  
-Killian!- I turned back surprised: why did he have to scare me all the bloody times? And, above all, why was he wasting his time with me after how I had treated him?  
-So now I'm _Killian._ \- he smirked, but he didn't look angry or something.  
-I'm sorry. I truly am, you can insult me if you want, I deserve it.  
-No, you don't. And I accept your apologies...  
-Thanks- I said looking at him up and down, then I went back to watch the colorful street and the people walking happily.  
-Let's get back inside, you're shivering. It's pretty cold tonight...- he noticed, putting his hand over mine. I automatically looked at it, gasping, than I looked at his fake hand, covered with the glove.  
-I... didn't notice you were wearing a prosthesis.  
-I know, I got used to it... it's like a true hand, you know.  
I nodded.  
-Do you... _feel_ anything when you touch something with it.  
-Unfortunately not, but... I've got the other one, so it's not a problem. A sensitive hand would cost too much, I could be dashing but no one will give me one without money.- he smiled, making me laugh: he wasn't that bad, after all... a little narcissist, but actually nice.  
-You...- I hesitated, trying to get heart -You still want to buy me that drink? Wait, forget it... I... I'll buy you a drink, after the party. I need to apologize properly.  
-Wow, it's the first time a lady offers to buy me a drink. I think I'll accept...  
-Fine- I smiled slightly -Let's go back inside, then. You're right... I'm freezing.- I finally admitted, and walked into the pub followed by him.  
Talking quietly with him was easier than I could possibly have imagined, and when he didn't try to flirt, that non-asshole version of him was pleasant, after all.  
-So... you came alone?- I asked.  
-I did. My brother's working, so...  
-You said you had to work too.  
-True. But my boss loves me, so she let me shift my turn.  
-Oh, it's a "she"... now I understand!- I joked, and we laughed together.  
-I'm charming, yeah. Do you want to... drink something? Or eat?  
-Actually I should join my friends... but hey, I'll see you later for that drink!  
-Good... in 1 hour? 1 and half?  
-One will do. See you 'round- I waved with my hand, and started to look around to find Mary Margaret and David.  
They were eating sat on a couple of chairs in the corner, so I filled my plate too and joined them to finally eat. I was really starving.  
-Emma! Feel better?- Mary asked me, looking at me worried as if she was searching some disease.  
-I'm fine. I talked to him... we're good now. God, I'm so stupid...  
-You're not. It's not your fault if you need time to trust people...  
-But it's my fault if I misjudge them.- I stopped her, knowing I was right. She was trying to make me feel better, but I was an adult now, I was a mother, and probably I had to change: I had to be better, and stop seeing everyone like a monster.  
-Well, maybe, but...  
-No "buts". Anyway, I'll buy him a drink after the party...  
-You what?!- she shouted out, looking at me shocked; David stared at me too, and I couldn't blame them. I couldn't believe myself that I was doing it.  
-Emma, I know he's... well, _hot_ , but he's older. Probably too old for you!  
-And so what? I'm not 15. But relax, we're going to Neal's pub... so when we're done I'll stay with him for a while. I'm just trying to apologize properly...  
-OK. Just be careful. I know you misjudged him, and maybe he's not a bad person, but... maybe he just wanna have fan with a pretty young girl, and...  
-I'll make clear I'm not interested. Stop worrying 'bout me, I'm not a child, for God's sake!- I raised my voice, irritated. I knew she was doing it for me, she knew everything about my past and was always protective like a older sister, but it was time to prove that I had changed, that I was stronger. Probably after one year, my quite-risky job was worth it, I had caught all kind of people after all, even if I had started just finding those who didn't wanna be found.  
-Sorry. It's just... you suddenly want to go out with a man, when until one hour ago you weren't interested...  
-I'm not gonna date him. We'll hang out for a drink at Neal's pub 'cause I want to apologize, and that's all. I mean it.  
She sighted and nodded, and even if I noticed she exchanged a look with David, I decided to let it go and concentrate in my food. I really meant what I had said them, I didn't wanna date Jones, I just wanted to fix what I had caused to a man who didn't deserve my treatment.  
-Just one thing. You know about him, but... does he...?  
-No. Of course not.- I shook my head, beating my lower lip -And he'll never know. He doesn't need to, we're not dating.


	4. Feelin good

**KILLIAN POV**

It was 10.20 pm already, and still no sign of Emma; I should have probably expected it, but she really looked sorry for treating me badly that I thought we would have had at least that drink she'd promised.  
I sighed and went back to the drinks table to have another glass of wine before leaving; it had been a pleasant night, after all, so I didn't regret for coming. I got to know better some people of the group, and they were pretty cool: I had already planned to hang out with Simon and James sometimes, probably for a football match as we all liked it. The girls were nice too, and the two 18-year-old ones had clearly shown interest for me, but they really were _too_ young. Not only for their age, but they were students with their teenager lives, and that really wasn't a thing for me. Plus, they both liked me so if I picked any of them, that could have caused trouble in their friendship.  
-Hey, Jones! Are you asleep? Maybe that drink I promised you should be a coffee...  
-Swan?- I turned, and the blonde was right in front of me, smiling; -I thought you changed your mind...  
-Sorry... I was eating and lost track of time... but I'm here now.  
-Yeah, you are- I smiled, looking at her: she was probably one of the prettiest women I'd ever met.  
-Let's go- she said then, looking down embarrassed: probably, there was nothing better than a girl blushing instead of flirting back.  
So I followed her to recover our jackets and then we left, cursing at the same time about the chill: the temperature was probably around O°.  
-God, how can it be so cold?!- she shouted out, gripping her chest tightly.  
-Well, it's not exactly the perfect period for a leather jacket...- I pointed out, and she looked at me badly.  
-You're one to talk.  
-Ok, good point. So... where are we going?  
-If you don't mind, there's a pub if we walk to Leicester Square... a friend of mine works there and I promised to go over...  
-A _boy_ friend?- I asked raising my eyebrow; I really didn't see that coming.  
-A friend. Relax, no one's going to punch you in the face, except for me if I have to...- she reassured me amused -We'll have a drink and then I'll stay for a while as I promised him... would it be OK?  
-Sure- I said, as I saw her a little anxious. I was almost sure she didn't entirely trust me, even if she didn't hate me anymore. But I could totally understand, she was probably a serious girl, not interested in casual relationships and I was the opposite, so I didn't complain.  
I wondered myself if putting one arm around her shoulders would've been a good idea, but I let it go eventually; she probably wouldn't approve. So I walked next to her, quietly, trying to check all her movements of the corner of my eye. She brushed a strand of hair behind her ear, but I could bet something bothered her, even if she was trying to look calm: it was always the same almost imperceptible shadow in her gaze.  
-Is everything all right, Emma?- I tried, and she turned to me confused.  
-Of course it is...why?  
-Never mind. Just asking...  
-OK- she said, raising her eyebrows -We're here, anyway- she said, pointing at the pub in front of us, "Lamb&Flag".  
-Whoa, I know this place, I've got some friends working here!  
-Oh... yeah it's a great place, they have excellent cocktails...  
-Yeah, but you should come by "Ruby Blue" sometimes... I'll make you the best cocktail you've ever tasted!  
-Calm down buddy, I didn't say I'll go out with you again. But we'll see...- she smirked and walked into the bar; every second I spent with her, she looked more and more intriguing.  
I followed her and we decided to take seat at the bar, as the tables were all occupied; it was 10.45 on Friday night, I should have expected it.  
-Emma, hi!- a barman greeted the girl when he approached us: it was Neal! I couldn't believe her friend was exactly _that_ Neal, my former apprentice.  
-Hook! Hey, aren't you working tonight?  
-Long story...  
-Hook?- Emma interfered, perplexed.  
-What?- Neal asked, confused too; -Do you know each other?  
-Yeah, actually we're together...  
-But not _together_ in that way- she explained quickly -I'm buying him a drink 'cause I messed up things... that's a long story. But you know each other too? And what's that "Hook" story?  
-Yeah, I'm his former apprentice, actually... ages ago... I was 18. We call him Hook because one night he came with a hook instead of the fake hand, so... wow, and how _you_ two know each other?  
-Do you remember that guy I told you about? The annoying one? It's him...- she laughed, looking at me with a regretful gaze; I should have imagined she'd defined me with an adjective like that.  
-Oh... well, he can be annoying with pretty girls, I know... just keep your hands off her, all right?  
-Cassidy, back to work!- a man shouted, probably his boss, and he had to let it go, confining himself to glare at me. I could bet he liked her, even if she said they were just friends; she really was that naive or she just pretended she didn't notice his attentions? It seemed pretty clear to me.  
-So... um, what shall I get you guys?  
-A Vodka Lemon for me...- she said, than turned to me -You?  
-Rum and Cola. And don't worry buddy, I'm not gonna touch her... unless she doesn't ask me to...- I smirked, and the girl kicked me rolling her eyes.  
Neal didn't look happy about my comment either, but he didn't say anything and left us: yeah, he really liked her and I couldn't blame him.  
-Not gonna happen, if you're wondering- she said, now that we were alone, crossing her arms on her chest.  
-If I were you, Swan, I wouldn't be too sure.  
-But I am. Totally. Just stop flirting... why don't we talk about... something else?  
-Fine... about what, for example?  
-Well... so, you...- she hesitated -You're a barman too? You don't look like a barman.  
-Why? I'm charming, handsome, dashing, hot... oh you're talkin' about my hand? I can do great thing even if one real hand, believe me love.  
-I do.- she said quickly -I wasn't talking about your hand, Mr. Pretentious. Just, um...  
-Well, you're right but I left the Captain thing after Milah's accident... I was great at making cocktails and this kind of things.  
-I... I'm sorry. I didn't want to...  
-Don't worry love- I reassured her -It's OK. But what do _you_ do for living?  
-Bounty hunter.  
-Whoa! What?!- I shouted out, impressed: maybe I didn't look like a barman, but she _totally_ didn't look like a bounty hunter! A young girl like her with a risky job like that? She had to be kidding me.  
-You look impressed...- she laughed hard, really amused: god, she was so beautiful when she laughed, or even when she just smiled: she was glad like a sun.  
-Here's your drinks guys!  
-Thank you Neal- she stopped laughing but smiled -And here you are, you can keep the rest- she said, giving him a 20-pound note.  
-Well, thanks Swan. The next one's on me, I'll really need another drink processing the news...  
She laughed again, and I did too: her laughter was so contagious, she really looked like a different person now, she looked more relaxed – and she hadn't even drunk yet.  
-Um... just go easy with her, Killian...- Neal interfered -These are strong drinks, she's just 19...  
-She's what?!- I couldn't help but almost scream, staring at her: 19?! It was pretty obvious she was young, but not slightly more than a child. She was a smart woman, beautiful, fascinating and with quite a temper; I would've said she was a young woman, around 23... but 19? God.  
She bit her lower lip, than gazed ad Neal pretty pissed: I didn't know how to interpret her silence about her age, why she didn't want me to know? Probably I would have left her alone if she'd said that at the start.  
-I... I'm sorry. I thought he knew... I...  
-Just go.- she said, in a tone that didn't allow retorts.  
He looked at her with a regretful gaze and left us, getting back to serve some clients.  
-So you're 19...  
-Yeah.  
-Um... I... I _really_ didn't see that coming.  
-I'm not a child.- she replied, holding my stare.  
-I know you're not. That's why I thought you were a little older... But Emma, I'm 30. I'm a pedophile, by the Lord!  
Before I could put a better sentence together, she slapped me on the face, not too roughly but neither softly.  
- _I'm not a child_ Jones, and I'm not under age. I don't care if you're 30, plus we're not dating. And if it makes you feel better you look younger.  
-Well, thank you. I... I don't care either, I think. It's just... I don't know, never mind. It's OK.- I said, eventually. It was the first time I was out with someone so young, but I didn't really feel odd or anything. As I had said, she was smart and mature, it wasn't like I had to do with a kid, it was pleasant actually, and a shame it wasn't a date, after all, but I decided to keep that thought to myself.

 **EMMA POV**

I didn't really know why, but I was pissed at Neal! I hadn't told my age to Jones for no particular reason, but still, it was my business, not his. Maybe I just didn't want to be seen as a child, because I didn't feel like that, and I didn't really have a young girl's life.  
I wasn't really surprised he was 30, even if he looked a little younger, because it was pretty obvious he was a man, and not a boy. A pretty hot man, actually.  
 _For God's sake, Emma, what's the matter with you? Hot? Who cares! You don't care, you never do.  
_ -Good.- I said at the end -But I still have to reject your offering... I can't go home drunk, I have some... some stuff to do. Next time, maybe.  
-So there's gonna be a next time? Interesting...  
-I... I don't know. Maybe.- I blushed, regretting what I'd said. Seriously, what was wrong with me? I didn't have even finished my drink yet, and I had basically offered him to go out again.  
-Well, that's still a great progress for someone who kinda hated me...- he smiled, and drank a sip of his rum.  
I checked him out quietly, and I thought it wouldn't be a bad idea, after all; I was having a nice time with him, and if he stopped flirting we could've been good friends, maybe.  
-Hey guys... I'm sorry about before.  
I looked up and Neal was in front of us, I hadn't even noticed him; he looked sorry and probably I would forgive him. I knew he had done it just because he cared about me, but he had to understand I was able to take care of myself, and I would have declined on my own if I'd found that inappropriate. And it wasn't. If I didn't have a child to think about I would've accepted.  
-Don't worry dude, actually I have to thank you... I'm not sure she would've ever told me...  
-Yeah, you do have a point there. She opens to people quite hardly...  
-I noticed it...  
-Hey guys! Don't talk like I'm not here! I can hear you.  
-Sorry love, you're right- the older one said -But probably I can learn more about you from your friends than from you...  
I rolled my eyes, but he wasn't to blame eventually... he was right. And Neal was right too, but his words bothered me a little: he perfectly knew why I was so, what was the point of highlighting it? First my age, now this... what was the matter?  
-Well, you know... If she wanted to, she'd tell you more. I don't wanna upset you mate, but she's not like your other conquests... she's different. Why don't you let it go? I'm pretty sure you're not his type...  
-Hey, why worry?! I'm not a monster, Neal...  
-I'm not saying that... but... your manners... she's... she's more _fragile...  
_ -Neal!- I shouted, stopping him before it was too late: I hadn't interfered yet because it was quite funny listening to them about me like I wasn't even there, but he was going too far for no reason. Killian was playing nice with me, after all, and he knew that.  
-Why should she?- he asked -She doesn't look like a person who wanna be called _fragile_...  
-You don't understand. That's because...  
-Because I'm a mother, OK?!- I yelled, with tears in my eyes; Neal had never been that awful to me, and now he even ignored me, telling people things I had told him confidentially.  
The two men stared at me; Killian looked shocked, of course, and I couldn't blame him. It was not his fault, it was my so called "friend"'s fault.  
-Emma, I didn't mean that...  
-Shut the fuck up!- I shouted out again -You have no right to talk about my private life! You can run away Killian, I'd understand that. And thank you so much, Neal!  
I jumped off the chair and quickly walked to the exit, I just wanted to go home: my friend had ruined my actually nice night, I couldn't remember when the last time I'd been that good with a almost-stranger, especially a guy, was. It was the first time in a long while I was feeling _normal,_ like any other young girl who was just having some fun.  
Only when I was already out I noticed I had forgot my bag, and I cursed turning to get it back; I didn't even notice someone was just behind me, so I bumped into a man muttering "Sorry".  
-Emma, it's me...  
I looked up, and found myself in front of a worried Killian, with my bag in his right hand, and he gave it to me.  
I grabbed it and he followed me out quietly, but I just couldn't get why he was doing it: he wasn't forced to be a gentleman.  
-Emma, stop, please...- he said putting his hand on my shoulder before I could walk downstairs to the underground.  
-Why- I asked, turning and looking at him in the eyes -Why aren't you running away? I lied to you, you're allowed to be scared, disgusted, or... to call me a whore, a slut or whatever. It's probably the first time you went out with a single mother.  
-Yes, it is. But you didn't lie, I didn't ask you if you have children. And you're not a whore, don't ever think that.  
-How can you be so sure? My son's 20 months old, I was just 17 when I had him. For all you know I could've been just a little slut who wanted to fuck without thinking about the consequences!- I yelled, crying hard now, unable to stop.  
-You're not, you know that. I'm sorry Emma...  
-YOU! What more do you want?!  
Neal was walking towards us, quickly, but I didn't even want to see him, I didn't give a crap of his apologies, not anymore. He'd been annoying all the time, he should've thought of that before.  
-Emma... I...  
-Get lost Neal! I mean it! If you don't I'm gonna hurt you and you wouldn't like that...  
-Emma, forget him and come with me... I'll take you home, my car's here.  
-No, you can't, you...  
-Yes, he can! And you know what? Let's go Killian, thank you...- I said ignoring the other one's objections and apologies, and followed Killian to a black modern Audi. Without saying a word I got in the car and closed the door, waiting for him.  
In hindsight I would've never understood how could I accept a ride by a stranger, but now I didn't care: I just wanted to go home.  
Before I knew it, he had already departed and turned on the radio with low volume.  
-Swan... for what it's worth I don't think you're a whore or anything. I _know_ you're not.  
-Thank you...- I said softly, trying to dry my tears, but it was quite hard with the leather; so, when we stopped at a red light, he pulled out a handkerchief and gave it to me.  
-Thank you... again.- I slightly smiled, and took it.  
-Anytime, love...  
He really was a nice guy, nicer than I could've imagined – well, when he didn't flirt. But even when he did it, if he wasn't too persisting, he was quite funny.  
-Oh... just a little question... where do you live?- he asked, and a moment later I started to laugh hard, followed by him.  
He was right, we had left but he didn't even know where we were going! And if he hadn't pointed it out, who knows when I'd notice it! I was such an idiot!  
-Sorry- I said when I was able to stop -Bedfort Gardens, it's near Hyde Park... on the side of Notting Hill Gate.  
-Great! I live in Paddington, won't be difficult going back home...  
-You could leave me at the station of Edgware Road, I'll take the Circle line...  
-No way, I said I'll take you home and I'll do it.- he stopped me, saying it in a tone that brooked no argument, so I decided to keep it down.

* * *

The short ride was quiet, but really peaceful and relaxing; that was what I needed, and I supposed he was aware of that, and this made him even kinder in my eyes.  
He parked right in front of my front door, and opened the door of his car to me just like a perfect gentleman.  
-Well... thank you so much Killian, I mean it...- I said with a smile.  
-You're welcome, love. Nice house by the way... I live in an apartment... is it your parents'?  
-No... it's... I live with my friend, the girl who was with me at the party. The rent's really good, so we took the opportunity...  
-You did good. You've got even a garden...  
-Yeah... well, but you have an _Audi,_ and seems pretty new...  
-I know- he laughed lightly -It's a present from my brother...  
-He must love you, doesn't he?  
-He does. But... well, now I feel like I need my own place, it's quite suffocating sometimes...  
-I get it...  
We looked at each other, and the situation got pretty awkward, as neither of us knew what else to say; in exchange, I could study better his eyes, even in the dark. They were _so_ blue, probably the bluest eyes I'd ever seen, even more than David's. And they were big, two big and piercing eyes.  
-Well... I'd better go, now... it's late...  
-Um, yeah, it's past midnight... I should go too, I guess...  
I nodded, and didn't know what to say: again. After all, apart from the little incident with Neal it'd been a really pleasant evening, either at the party and with him.  
I decided to tell him, he deserved it.  
-Thank you for the lovely night Killian, I had a good time...  
-Me too. Just... don't be mad at Neal, he acted like that because he likes you...  
-I don't care, he was childish and disrespectful. Well... good night, then...  
-Uh... good night, and sweet dreams...- he said, and before I knew it he came closer and kissed me on the cheek, encircling me with one harm.  
I immediately blushed and my body froze, but I didn't push him away, I just let him step away by himself.  
-Bye, see you next week.  
I couldn't articulate a single word, so I just nodded, and turned to open my house's door with trembling hands; after some tries I made it, but before I could step in I felt him grabbing my hand, and I was forced to turn to him again.  
-Sorry, I... Well, on Monday I'm going to Winter Wonderland with Liam, here in Hyde Park... I was wondering if... if you'd like to join us. You can take your friends and your son, of course, he'd like it...  
-Oh...- I said, still fuzzy -Yeah. Yeah, I'd like that, why not...  
-Great! We could meet at the entrance at 12 am, then we'll have lunch there...  
-Sounds good. 12 am... perfect... I'll let you know if anything changes, but I don't think so.  
-How? It look like I'll need your number – or you, mine.  
-Oh... right.- I said, and we pulled out our phones.  
I was really giving him my personal number? To a guy I barely knew? I could already imagine Mary Margaret's face, she would've gone crazy, smiling like a little child.  
After he marked it, he made me a call so I saved his: I still couldn't believe it, probably that only drink was stronger than usual. That should've been the reason. Definitely.  
-Well, good night for real now!- he said smiling, putting his phone back into his pocket.  
-Good night! See you on Monday!- I replied, then finally got into my garden, waving at him, before he got back into his car.  
I couldn't explain why, but I was really merry.  
I just couldn't help but smile.


End file.
